We hear it coming from around the corner. A kid is in one of these little cars and is screaming so loud it just stops your brain. I couldn’t finish my thought and just stood there in stunned silence. People turned there heads because in your head you hear screams like that and you expect to turn and see a child being beaten, or at least trapped in some kind of terrible machine. Maybe he put a quarter in a candy machine and a King Cobra came out and spit poison in his eyeballs.

Everyone was making the same shocked face, but no one said anything. What could you say really? I mean, I really wanted to just walk up to the kid and scream “Shut the F*ck up kid!!”. I like to think I’d be applauded, but probably not. I’d somehow be made the villain. I’d be the guy that yelled at a kid that wasn’t his. I’m not really sure why that’s such a crime but it is.

I think the Cart-Car is a terrible idea. When I was old enough not to have to sit in the cart I could walk around and pick things off the shelves to help my parents out. Like I was a helpful member of the family. I’d assist in the hunting and gathering and feel good about myself. The brown sugar cinnamon pop-tarts? Yea, I got those. I saw them. I grabbed them. I threw them in the cart. Walking tall.

Now I’m sure the mom was trying her best. She seemed to at least be going as fast as she could. We sat there asking ourselves what could make the kid scream like that. My girlfriend thinks it was that the wheel of the Cart-Car didn’t actual do anything and maybe he was freaked out. A driver with no control just zooming past carts that could crash into him at any moment. A good theory, but I don’t think that could lead to the massive freak out this kid was having.

My answer is a little more complex. Since it was just the mom there I guessed that the father was murdered and the boy was the only witness. And somehow the killer was there in the same grocery store and they kept passing each other in each aisle. The boy flipped out but couldn’t tell everyone what was really going on for concern for his mother’s safety. Better to just throw a tantrum and make his mom leave the store as fast as possible. That boy’s a damn hero!

In theory this sounds great, but I can’t help but think something that rushed could never live up to what everyone hopes to write, a great novel. So instead I am going to Blovel.

Blovelling is writing a blog until you have enough material to put out a novel. This seems much more realistic a goal to me. I’ve thought about just taking a weekend off and writing a novel for years. Shutting myself off from family, friends and the internet to just SIT DOWN and write. But if I have enough time to post little witty remarks on Facebook maybe it’s time to just redirect that small amount of work to something I actually want to do.

Taking time off just isn’t realistic. Between making music, comic books and short films I’m needed in too many places at the moment. A cabin in the woods for a while might just drive me crazy like Kerouac too. He famously went out to a cabin in Big Sur for a few weeks and when he came back, just couldn’t write anymore. He kept putting out works that he had lying about, but the muse, and maybe his mind, had gone.

If I did just up and go I would fly to Puerto Rico. I haven’t been there since I was a kid and maybe that would be a good place to just go be inspired. I’d like to stay in a hotel room all day wearing a robe and set up an  old fashioned typewriter in the room. I’d punch the keys until my fingers were bruised. Whenever room service would come into the room I would burst into a tantrum screaming “I’m an American writer!!” and throw wine bottles against the walls until they left. I’d scare other guests in the hotel so bad I would be forced to leave and sleep on the beaches or maybe El Junque, the rain forest.

I would most definitely grow out my beard like my friend Doug. He has a huge puffy red beard that makes him look like a Ginger Terrorist. I like to imagine that if it gets any bigger a pirate will appear to him in the night and name him the honorary first mate of a ship that is cursed to forever travel the heavens.

As you can see, any novel I write will probably be strange and disjointed so I think what I’ll do is combine some short stories with some small essays or rants. Just to get the whole “Write A Book” thing out of my system and off of the obligatory to do list.

When I was a kid I was asked the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” that I actually started looking into it in the 5th grade. That’s right, I was a little kid trying to find the best career choice by looking through the library and even the Sunday newspaper (both barely exist now, how weird is that?).

Finally one day it hit me. We owned a lot of Muppet movies when I was a kid. My favorites being The Great Muppet Caper (never got it’s due) and The Muppet Movie. I think I even said it out loud when it hit me, “I’ll be a Muppeteer”.

The Muppet Show came on a lot (in reruns) at my babysitter’s house. Fraggle Rock was around as was Muppet Babies. I watched all things Henson and I even liked the weirder stuff like Dark Crystal and Labyrinth. To this day I believe in order to make sure your kids don’t grow up to be goths as teenagers you should limit the viewing of both those movies to once a year.

I checked out books on Muppets, made at least a few dozen god awful franken-creatures with old socks. I found articles about Jim Henson and Frank Oz and my favorite, Dave Goelz who was the voice of Gonzo the Great. Talk about a role model, the guy started by making a frog out of his mom’s sweater and went on to educate millions with Sesame Street and entertain everyone with The Muppets. There’s a moment in The Muppet Movie when Kermit the Frog is talking to an agent named Bernie and Kermit becomes overjoyed at the idea of making “millions of people happy”. Not millions of dollars. Show me anything today trying to preach THAT message.

Whenever a teacher or parent would ask me what I wanted to do I would quickly respond, “I’m going to be a Muppeteer”. Beaming with pride. My head held high. None of the other children had a life track plotted out. But I did. This meant a lot to me. I had my shit together. I had a plan.

On May 16th, 1990. Jim Henson died of a severe strep infection that tore up his lungs in just days. I got told in class and it was like hearing the president had been shot. I’m not going to sugar coat it in any way. I lost it. I fell apart. I collapsed onto my school desk and cried my eyes out in front of everyone. The teacher sent me out of the classroom 3 or 4 times but it didn’t matter. The day became one big blur. I was sent to the guidance counselor but never made it back to class that day. I just left the school and walked home. No one stopped me. They just let the crying kid keep walking.

I didn’t cry cause I had lost my plan. I cried cause in my head I had built it up that Jim Henson had to be one of the coolest people in the world. And all evidence points to that being true. And for him to just die out of the blue was just heartbreaking. I never knew anyone that died. No one in my family had died to that point. It was this crazy concept that here’s this guy, doing a great job doing what he loves, and now he’s just gone. Sorry kid.

I remember an article I found said in his final hours he was coughing up blood. Back then I couldn’t separate the man from his work and for weeks would get this random image in my head of Kermit the frog hacking up blood and screaming.  It messed me up for some time. But eventually I got over it. People forgot the incident. Life moved on.

I found some comfort in a song from The Muppet Movie. It’s not a Kermit song, But I like it a lot and it always takes me back to that day in 6th grade. “I’m Going To Go Back There Someday” sung by Gonzo (Dave Goelz)

Ladies and Gentlemen…one of my favorite bands that should have been bigger. Johnny Bravo

Wheels was a funny little song that started out as a bit of a joke. A long time ago, maybe…96-97 some friends and I drove to James Madison University. I think it was Tim, me, Keith, Joey and Nick. Not 100% sure if Keith went with us. We went up to visit Keith’s sister and Tim’s girlfriend at the time who’s name escapes me.

Tim had a ’65 Plymouth Fury III. I’m the furthest thing there is from a car guy, but this thing was sweet and looked like something out of the movie Stand By Me.

Anyway, Tim had checked out the car and said we were ready for the road and we left down the highways and bi-ways of Virginia. It was a good time. Just a couple of guys piled in a car listening to the hits of the late 90s so probably the tail end of grunge and the sad beginnings of nu-metal.

We start hearing this THUMP. Kind of like the tell-tale heart but louder, and more frequent. We instantly know that something must be wrong.

We stop the car. We get out and look around the car. Nothing seems wrong at all. So we carry on.

Now the THUMP is louder. And we can detect it’s coming from the front right of the car. At this point we are all freaking out and shouting out all kinds of possibilities. Maybe the axle is going. Maybe the rim is dented. Maybe it’s a Gremlin!

We drive on for hours with the sound still going. We’re only a few hours from James Madison and we’re all horrified. We’re stuck in what could be a death trap and there’s really nothing we can do but keep on keepin’ on. We stop talking. Things get real tense and awkward. We are turning on each other like death row inmates with nothing to lose.

We get out a final time and discover something I’ve never seen since.

Before we left town, Tim had his tires rotated. Someone putting them back on failed to put the bolts back on properly and the wheel was essentially eating itself. We got a tow truck and when they got the car up on a lift the tire came right off. No unscrewing anything. The guy just grabbed it off the car like he was taking off a jacket.

At first we were mad. Boiling mad. But within a few hours we were all happy to be falling asleep on Stephanie’s floor safe and sound with the knowledge that the next day we’d leave with the tires fixed, and no one hurt. The THUMPs had stopped. Except in my nightmares for years of course.

So that kind of gave the song it’s start. It was one of the first songs we worked on as a band and had a fun little riff that was easy to play. It was the first solo I played that I ever liked too. It was always between “Seraphim” and this song for opening song on the album. The beat always made me do this “Girlfriend, Go Girlfriend” thing that was happening in a lot of Hip-Hop songs at the time. When I wrote it I thought it was about loyalty, but looking back I think it’s about blind loyalty, and maybe it’s limits.

Lyrics:

I said that I’d ride with you
Till the wheels came off
But people change everyday
Despite their best intentions

I think that our time, is running out

I said that time would be good
Better left unsaid
But people stray, everyday
Despite their best intentions

I think that our time, is running out

And I’ll wear my beautiful bruises,
Just like a silver badge
In a western town

So Osmar and I are hard at work on the next big story for Skyrocket, “Ghost Town”. There’s a lot of changes starting this issue. From how we do the covers to the layouts and finally, the PRINTERS!

We’re trying out a really good local printer. This should remove:

This will be the issue that has the cameos from everyone who pledged money to us through Kickstarter. And there’s also a cameo from two rather famous local DJs.

Here is one TINY preview of the next issue.

You know on Amazon how they have that X+Y option? “If you like this, then you’ll like…”  Well, let me do that for these guys.

Superock. If you like Queens of the Stone Age and Foo Fighters, this will totally be your thing. Lots of chunky riffs and scream-y melodies. Like little birds on your windowsill that grew up listening to good punk and alternative rock.

Jackmove. Well, I have to be honest, I’ve somehow never seen a Jackmove show. I’ve only seen their singer’s solo work as Eazy-D. Which is fantastic. He does this version of “A Change Is Gonna Come” that is just wicked. BUT…from what I’ve seen in videos and photos, the Jackmove show is kind of like a musical pummeling. They show up, they rock, they drink, they rock some more. If you don’t like being sweat on then stand a few feet back cause you will be hit in a Gallagher watermelon fashion when Jackmove get’s their rock on.

A splendid time is guaranteed for all!

PS. Here’s a video from Jackmove

My first album had a song called “Be My Dulcinea”. People will ask me what a dulcinea is. Well, a dulcinea is a she, not a what.

Dulcinea is the love interest of Don Quixote. She’s a peasant girl that Quixote falls in love with.

I’ve always been a fan of the book and would recommend it to anyone. He’s crazy but at the same time, brilliantly sane. Headstrong and bizarre. It’s easy to see why such a character like that would appeal to anyone, especially me.

This was one of my favorite songs to record on the album. We had Kevin play drums while I walked around this large studio with a microphone and headphones until I found just the right sound. Kind of like walking the beach with a metal detector. It gives the song this really dreamy quality. It was also the first time I played any piano on a song. They (Sound of Music) had this really busted upright piano that was just perfect.

There’s another part of the song that gets questions. The line “my diving bell” needs a little explanation.

It’s an underwater exploring vessel dating back as far as 1616. It’s not something you’d typically hear about in a love song, but it’s prominent in mine.

Be My Dulcinea

All she had on, was an old record
And I said to myself, You never looked better

Be my dulcinea, My diving bell
My devil for details, in the stories I tell

If I owe anyone, I owe you
Nothings as good, as when you want me

(Chorus)

You know I don’t care, where you been
I only care, where you’re goin’

So I guess the sentiment is…be my dream girl. be the person that i tell my stories to. and be my underwater rescue vessel (?)

It would be funny if it was playful and silly, like those news reports about Santa Claus leaving the North Pole on Christmas Eve. But it wasn’t. It was a really odd scare tactic. Then when the commercials came on I was reminded to buy Gold and life insurance. But I’d have to leave my house to do both. Make up your mind Fox news.

Anyway, I thought it would be cool to learn a little more about Friday the 13th. So I warmed up the old internet machine and found that:

1. According to biblical historians, Jesus was crucified on a Friday.
2. Thanks to the superstition, LESS accidents happen on Friday the 13th because so many people try to stay home and are more actively careful if they drive.
3. Four of the Friday the 13th movies were released on that date.
4. Horror Writer Stephen King suffers from triskaidekaphobia, the fear of the number 13.
   

Number four is totally my favorite. Rumor has it he had his stairs altered to not have thirteen steps. Awesome.

And I’m happy to say he’s got his own comic book in the works now. Still in the brainstorming stage but the concept is GREAT. I totally wanted to steal it the minute I heard it. I’ll share more once he’s got it up and going. So thanks Jacob and I’m looking forward to you working WITH us at Paper Tiger.